As parents we want the best for our children. I would imagine that's every parent's dogma.I know it's part of mine. I made an observation the other day, however, that made me wonder enough to write about it. I set my eldest daughter, Jackie, on a task I appointed her with with the hope of developing her dexterity when it comes to handling things. I was surprised that not only did she tidy up the room and put all her toys away but what really surprised me is the way she set about doing it. She started with the bed, then she arranged the pillows, then gathered her mess. I asked her why she did it in that order but only got a reply I rightfully deserved," It's easier that way daddy.See, I told you I can do it!" This coming from a little girl who had just turned 5 is truly amazing. Then I got to thinking to myself with a question that had been bouncing around at the back of my head for quite some time now," How do we nurture our children's potential?" Going about it from another way is "How do we help them develop their potential without overstepping the line and actually limiting them instead?" Do we just let them do as they please and trust that they gain valuable knowledge and experience from that vantage point? Or do we nudge them towards what we deem to be the right direction and hope they actually realize that that is so? Where do we draw the line?
A lot of questions that only time and circumstance can answer, I would think. I am sure being parents, none of us is perfect and we do make mistakes from time to time when it comes to our children. Yet we constantly strive to be the best that we can for our little ones and that's just natural parenting. I wrote this post with the hope that it can serve as a foundation in assessing and harnessing the necessary skills every parent should have in raising their children. I know it this post is rather generalized in its approach to the question but the basic guidelines is there. As always, I would like to stress out key points by making a list of them and expound on them later in the order of their requisition. So, here we go:
Learn to be a good listener.
You'd be surprised how many moms and dads openly admit that they are indeed poor listeners. Remember that the primary goal of communication is understanding and good listening skills are necessary, if not mandatory. Listen to what your child is telling you no matter how ridiculous or silly it may seem to you. Be patient as they try to convey their message across. If they see that you are readily there for them and actually take the time to listen to their cause they develop a deeper sense of trust towards you. And trust is important in a parent-child relationship as you will soon find out, if not already know, that as they mature into their teens there are certain issues or topics they are really sensitive about and won't openly discuss with you. By establishing a good solid relationship they can "talk" to you about anything. When I say learn to be a good listener I don't mean just listen passively and answer them but unknowingly showing disinterest. Children can sense that and this has far reaching effects as they tend to be aloof and insecure about themselves. Listen with your every span of attention. Answer truthfully but with discretion.
Give your kids room to GROW
As parents it becomes second nature to be rather over-protective of our children. We veer them away from possible hazards as they grow and we point them towards the direction of SAFE and SECURE. A child's curiosity is a fundamental ingredient in his or her learning process. Discovery, no matter how big or small, is just as important, if not more, than teaching. By allowing our children to discover their own "gifts" we are paving the way towards their deeper appreciation for more profound learning. What I am saying here is that we should nurture, not limit, their discovery of the world around them. Let us take time to explain what it is they want to know and be prepared with second tier or even up to third tier answers when dealt with their infamous " daddy/mommy, but why?". You will soon discover where their interests lie. Will they be in the Arts or in the Sciences? Literature? Medicine? Law? Clergy? I know I may be speaking a bit too early of their interests but if you are truly listening to them you can assess how they structure their knowledge based on their answers. Are they methodical, logical, whimsical, or even imaginative in their approach?
Teach your children the meaning of Value and Self-worth
What do I mean when I say teach your children the meaning of value and self-worth? Well, let's take this segment from the standpoints of Respect and Self-respect. When a child is taught the value of something he or she develops a sense of respect for it. The same goes for people. If children are taught to value the wisdom of their elders respect should come in as second nature to them. I teach the value by associations to my kids. That way they can make the connections faster and understanding them a little easier. When I say value I don't mean just money or something material. I can also refer to a personality trait, character, attitude, or just about anything, really. On the flip side of that equation is the importance of teaching our kids what Self-worth is all about. Building their self-esteem early is paramount for our children to have a deeper sense of self-worth. You'd be surprised how many shy, insecure, and unsocial teenagers there are out there in need of assurance and a place or group they feel they "belong". Of course peer pressure has something to do with all of this,but for the most part it really is a problem of self-worth. So how do we impart to our children a deeper sense of Value and Self-worth? We do so by example. Our kids reflect what we do and sometimes parents don't realize this and unknowingly "teach" what they deem wrong examples. Be conscious and aware of what you do in front of your children. Their powers of observation are much sharper than ours.
Give your kids a head start with Hard Work
Hard work builds Self-reliance and Character. However, those two are not the only virtues gained from hard work. Equally,if not more important,are Honesty, Patience, Hope, the ability to Dream, Perseverance, Independence, and Loyalty. Start early on this segment because this is one of the few things parents have trouble imparting to their children; the importance of good work ethics. You cant' build good work ethics without hard work. Just as I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I had set my five year old daughter to help me in a daily chore we do together reminding her from time to time why we must keep the room clean and tidy and free of clutter. Building upon this I cite her examples of why we need to work hard in life to attain the freedom and things we have always wanted. Hard work enables us to have the option of making choices. Of course, I didn't explain it to her along that breadth but in more simpler terms like " Daddy or mommy has to work hard to buy you your presents on your next birthday, sweetie." Initially, in the past, I made the mistake of using the Reward System on them, meaning I ask them to do something and reward them later after having done what I asked.I soon found out that they had made their reward as the incentive to work and the only sole incentive. This meant that unless there is a "reward", they will not do work. It took me a while to take them away from that mode and I had to explain to them constantly why it is no longer the mainstay when doing chores around the house.
Build your child's Character
Building character is easy if you have the patience and know-how and relatively difficult if you lack both and lack the desire to do so. Every parent can assess what their child's strengths and weaknesses are and it's just a matter of giving some encouragement and guidance. Don't build upon their strengths while overlooking where they lack. Rather, try assessing where their weaknesses lie and encourage them to overcome those. Well-roundedness is your main goal here.
Encourage Creativity
Imagination is the building block of knowledge. It is perhaps the key, core ingredient in tickling our children's curiosity towards learning and discovery. Creativity, on the other hand, is their ability to conceptualize and make make use of their imagination by working with their hands. Does your child draw or paint a lot in vivid colors? A good creative exercise is paper cutting and gluing them on separate sheets. Cut out some shapes your child is familiar with such as stars, squares, triangles, circles, letters of the alphabet, numbers, and familiar objects like a car or house, as well as animals. I always use colored papers for this and with non-toxic glue, my daughters and I would paste them into a separate sheet. I would let them paste as they see fit and what I found out is that they don't just paste randomly, but instead, they create a "story" with their work.
Everything they lay down has purpose and a role to the greater whole or bigger picture. Do you see now why activities such as these are always recommended for children in their pre-school years? Another exercise my kids use to develop better hand-eye coordination as well as dexterity is doodling ( just as long as they don't doodle on walls). There are many different many activities your child can avail of and explore to nurture their creativity. Find what's best for you. I sincerely believe that nurturing our children's creative side of learning they become more intuitive and resourceful when it comes to problem solving.
Trust your children
Every relationship is based on trust and your relationship with your child is no exception. Trust is a two-way street, meaning it's reciprocal. Trust in your children as they trust in you. How do you build trust? Well, as with any relationship you begin with honesty. Being honest is not just about having clarity in your life. It also means you are both reading off the same page. An open mind really helps when trying to be patient and understanding. Give your kids credit where credit is due.Never forget that. By making them feel that they are contributing members you begin to give them feelings of self-reliance, something they will need in the future in their academic years and beyond.
Discipline by Example
There are many ways to discipline our children. I try not to associate discipline with punishment because they are entirely two different notions. You can discipline your child without punishing him or her and you can punish your child without having disciplined. How is that? Well, disciplinary actions involving punishment stands to correct a wrong, an inappropriate behavior or action. However, know that every time you punish your child you need to explain to them clearly and in their terms why you were, at the time, angry and that what it was that made you upset and why it must not happen again. Make them understand their mistakes but do not, in any circumstance or at any given time, shout or threaten your children. Proper parenting involves patience and practice. In this segment, which I called Discipline by Example, disciplinary actions can take the form of setting examples. For instance, you observe that your neighbor's kid has been leaving his toys all over the front lawn and you cite this to your child as inappropriate. Explain to him or her the importance of keeping cleanliness and keeping things tidy in the household. The next time your child keep things in disarray, go back to the episode you cited about the neighbor's kid.
Appreciate Every Moment
Lastly, enjoy every moment with your children because the day will come ( sooner than you think) when they are no longer little boys and girls and must move out to the real world. The sad fact is you will miss them and spend many a day going through old photos and videos of them when they were little and running about. That is life. We grow, we age, then the next generation carries on our legacy. It is a cycle which repeats itself from time eternal. Appreciate every moment while you still have it. Know that it's not just your kids who grow. You also grow into a finer parent through the years as you finally begin to understand what your own parents had gone through when you yourself were also young. Treasure every memory you have of your kids. Keep taking pictures and movies of them in their growing years as you will treasure these mementos some day. You are also going to regret not having taken the time to capture these precious memories. Good luck to each and every parent out there!! Happy Parenting!
